The Future Mrs. Jaun Pablo

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This season of The Bachelor can be summed up into a few phrases: “I just want to make [insert name] feel comfortable,” Ay yi yi,” “I’m really falling from Juan Pablo,” and “This whole process is so inorganic.” I can’t even count the number of times Juan Pablo has said the words comfortable and beautiful – it’s nauseating.

I got sucked into watching The Bachelor this season by Juan Pablo’s charming smile and as I have dutifully watched each 90 minute episode for seven weeks, I can’t help but feel a little betrayed and unsatisfied with the show.  Don’t get me wrong, there is plenty of drama, but Juan Pablo lost his charm faster than Clare could pull her “baby bump” from under her dress.

I continue to watch this show for two reasons.  One, I have invested so much time and effort watching it that it would be such a shame if I didn’t get to find out who his true love is.   Two, the girls are hilarious.  Their passive aggressive attitudes and pursed lips get me every time.

My favorite catfights (the only catfights) are the ones between Nikki and Clare.  It has gotten to the point where they can’t be in the same room together without shooting each other a stink eye.  Their fights resemble those that I have witnessed in middle school with the “I’m so much better than her” finger wave and the “You don’t deserve him” hand in the face.   Thankfully, group dates are over and they no longer have to share their man.

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Clare is a little bit of a nutcase.  First of all, she showed up with a fake baby bump to show Juan Pablo what she would look like if she were pregnant. You haven’t even met the guy and you already want to procreate?  That to a normal person, is a red flag.  Lucky for her, Juan Pablo doesn’t pick up on certain important social cues.  Throughout the season, she has proven to be needy for some alone time with Juan Pablo.  At first it was the need to be next to him and holding his hand at all times.  It then climaxed to the  4 a.m. ocean swim in Vietnam.  This was so overdramatized, but it did cause lot of uncertainty and emotions – I was on the edge of my seat.  She then went on to accepting a half-assed apology in New Zealand and was all happy and secure again.  I honestly didn’t think she was going to make it to the final four.

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Nikki is a little manipulative and conniving.  I would say she’s the closest thing to the “villain,” but she’s a pediatric nurse!  She literally makes little kids feel better!  I like that she doesn’t take shit from other girls and she does what she wants.  She doesn’t care about the other girls – she has her eyes on the prize.  She was the first girl to meet Juan Pablo’s daughter and parents and this to me seemed a little hypocritical on Juan Pablo’s end.  He doesn’t want to expose his daughter that much to the women on the show, yet he is willing to introduce her to a women that is not the winner –that seems a little sketchy and premature.  I can smell the regret already.

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Renee seems to be the den mother of all the girls.  Whenever a girl is crying, she is there to the rescue with a shoulder and some tissues.  I think she is the most genuine and down to earth.  She doesn’t really do anything for me though.  I think she’s nice, but that’s about it.  She’s just kind of blah.

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Andi is personally my favorite out of the four girls left because she doesn’t have a problem expressing her feelings and her doubts about the show.  She was the last one to get a one-on-one date so when she had to see every other girl get a personal date, she questioned if she should even be there because if she wasn’t there to get to know Juan Pablo, then why was she there?  She’s obviously still blinded by his charm and Venezuelan accent, but at least she seems genuine and not afraid to ask the hard questions in life.  I mean, should you really be comfortable dating a guy that has made out with other girls while he’s on a date with you?  It’s a hard life.

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Sharleen was my biggest surprise.  I was surprised she was on the show and even more surprised that she stayed for so long.  She just seemed too smart and throughout the season, she had a lot of doubts about the resident bachelor.  All they did was make-out, which was quite uncomfortable to watch – I cringed every time.  It was also hilarious that she would call him “sir” whenever she was nervous or uncomfortable.  It was clear that she was not the one, but hey, a free trip to exotic places doesn’t sound too bad.  Of course when they got back to the United States, she was like “Peace, I’m out!”

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Finally, my personal favorite from the entire season was Kelly.  I still think Juan Pablo made a huge mistake eliminating her because I could have watched her throw out zingers on a show of her own.  When Clare refused to eat octopus, Kelly countered with, “Please, I know you’ve swallowed bigger things than that.”  She also didn’t have a problem announcing how uncomfortable she was sitting between Clare and Nikki in South Korea.  She was just so blunt and it was great.

Sharleen was the only contestant smart enough to see through Juan Pablo’s charming façade and realize that he has no personality and adds nothing to a relationship other than his daughter.  Whoever ends up with him might have a hard time communicating with him, but hey, he has a charming smile and some rocking soccer skills.  That’s enough to last a lifetime, right?

What do you think of Juan Pablo and the remaining four girls?

Stay Chic!

The Art of Snapchat

Snapchat

I recently shared my Snapchat “score” with a friend, and his reaction was shy of mortified.  I would classify his reaction as shocked with a hint of embarrassment.  Now, I like to think that I am somewhat of diverse Snapchatter – I like to spice up my selfies with some finger-drawn art or a clever caption.

Strangers and friends have caught me in full-blown Snapchat conversations and unfortunately for my friends, I have no shame, so if I’m having a chin-off (try to create as many chins as you can) with a friend, I have no problem documenting it in public.  There have been many times when I have relied on Snapchat to communicate to others.  For instance, when I updated my iPhone to the new iOS operating system, my messaging was on the struggle bus, so I had to turn to Snapchat to stay connected.

The one caveat to Snapchat comes down to etiquette.  While it’s convenient to send a picture to the masses with a few taps of your finger, the issue at hand is how to respond and deciding whether a response is even necessary.

When I receive a snap that I don’t know how to respond to, my shoulders raise to my earlobes and my hands clamp to the side of my face, my go -to fetal position usually reserved for threats of getting tickled.  I feel bad not responding because someone has taken the time to tap on my name as a recipient for a snap.  Shouldn’t I return the favor?

While I am guilty of sending out mass snaps, I only include people that I know would enjoy the snap –I don’t just send snaps willy nilly.  But what if other people don’t have the same courtesy?  That is why I have come up with 5 ways to tell if you are a recipient of a mass snap and how I respond to them:

1. A snap includes food – this is almost always a mass snap.  Obviously you want me and all your friends to be jellies of what you are stuffing your face with.  I get it.  I tend not to respond to these.  You’ve made me so hungry with your snap, I have no energy to send one back.

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#nofilter = be jealous of what I’m eating.

2.  A selfie with no text – You’re probably just bored and want someone to snap with. At least 1 of the 20 recipients will respond, right?  STEP YOUR GAME UP!  At least make an effort and draw something.  I will return the favor and send you a bland “I can’t bother with you right now” face.  -__-

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Hey, look at my sad attempt at winking.

3.  A snap of a landscape – You’re probably traveling and want your friends to enjoy what you’re seeing.  Either that, or you’re bragging that you’re on a trip while your friends are at home working.  If it’s the latter, you’re just cruel.  It’s normally a mixture of the two and I’m okay with that.  If the snap is extremely beautiful, it is worthy of a reply.  I will probably respond with a “I’m so jellies” snap.  If you’re lucky, you’ll even get a finger-drawn jelly jar.  If it’s a blurry picture of a field, don’t expect anything in return.

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How purdy and romantic.  PSYCH! I was third wheeling with my parents.  Awkward.

4.  A ninja snap of something funny – these are always entertaining, and I approve.  Ninja snaps are great, but ninja videos are a whole other level.  I will ALWAYS respond with a snap of me laughing or something that is equally as funny.

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This baby was freaking out on the train. (He won the chin off we were having)

5.  A snap that contains gossip – This takes gossip girl to a whole new level.  As a nosy Asian, I can’t help but enjoy these.  I like to be updated on the gossip without having to be social.  How do you think I found out that Kris and Bruce Jenner separated?  I will probably snap back a face that resembles the like of Scream.  In the case of the Kris and Bruce Jenner separation, my world was shattered – if their love couldn’t make it, there is no hope for plebeians like me.

What are your favorite types of snaps?

Stay Chic!

The Era of Kimye

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Yes, it’s FINALLY happening!  Kanye proposed to Kim yesterday at the AT&T Ballpark in San Francisco.  Kim Kardashian is having a whirlwind of a year- she got divorced, had a baby, and is now engaged…again.  It’s a little backwards if you think about it.

Kim is no stranger to marriage – she’s already had two, so one would think that she’s well aware of the pitfalls of her marriages.  Maybe third time’s a charm.  Looking at her previous marriage, it was easy to spot signs that the marriage was not going to last.  As the audience witnessed, Kris Humphries was not a man of words.  In fact, he probably said a total of 100 words on Keeping Up With the Kardshians.  Most of the time we were watching Kim complain about Kris or yell at him for not paying attention to her.

Lucky for Kim, Kanye seems to be the complete opposite.  He is outspoken and is not afraid to express his feelings – sorry T. Swift.   With Yeezus as his latest album’s title, it is hard to picture Kanye as a humble man.  Although many of us were a little shocked by Kanye’s interview on Jimmy Kimmel – he was spot on about his personality.  He is eccentric, weird, and maybe even a genius. In my head, I imagine when Kanye is feeling extra passionate, he just starts talking in a slam poetry type fashion.  Is that so hard to believe?

Although these two are seasoned players when it comes to being in the limelight, here are my (a single, 21-year old’s)  two cents on their engagement and future marriage.

1.  Don’t go on the Kris Jenner Show – Kanye and North have both already appeared on this show.  Making a second appearance within two months smells a little desperate.  It doesn’t help that the majority of people on the show are all family related.  You’re basically a reality infomercial, but at the end I don’t have the option to buy a $69.95 blender.

2.  Artists are sensitive about their work -As we probably ought to know by now, Kanye is a very unique person – to put it simply, he’s an artist.  Kim better find a happy medium of masking her true feelings when it comes to a song she doesn’t like.  Also, don’t be offended and start crying when you are blocked out by some large studio headphones – it’s part of his job.  Personally, I don’t think Kanye will be going to Kim for musical advice.  Need I remind you that she tried to be a singer and actually came out with a music video? LOOK IT UP.

3. Don’t give your kids weird names – Opps, you already did this…awkward…but seriously, North West?! You couldn’t do better than that?  If you’re caught up on Keeping Up With the Kardashians, you will know that Kim just wanted to name their baby North.  No last name.  Who do you think she is? Cher?

4. Do update your Instagram – Instagram is how I found you guys got engaged, so keep posting because I’ve already started this journey with you and I want to be there every step of the way via technology.  Nothing is too personal.  Nothing.  And don’t think for a second you can get away with posting blurry pictures of your ring.  I know you have professional photographers following you around.  Step yo game up.

Is it weird that I think Kimye are kind of perfect for each other? Yes?  One thing is for sure, the personalities of these two egomanics should lead to a very interesting marriage.

Comment below on your thoughts of Kimye.

Stay Chic!

Photo courtesy of NY Daily News

A Life With FRIENDS


Although the era in which Friends has graced us with its witty jokes has ended, its legacy lives as it has taught me a few, nay, everything I know about how to function in society.  High school taught me to make sense of Shakespeare’s plays and a college biochemistry course taught me all the enzymes and mechanisms that go into gluconeogenesis, but sorry mom and dad, although I appreciate your dedication to furthering my pursuits in academia, all the lessons I have learned about being a functional member of society (which, frankly, are the only lessons that matter, right?) came from six BFFs: Joey, Chandler, Ross, Rachel, Phoebe, and Monica.

Below are ten examples of why everything I know about socializing, came from Friends.

1. Don’t Gamble Away Your Most Prized Possessions. Money is chump change when compared to Monica and Rachel’s beautiful apartment.  Somebody told me that I wouldn’t squander my money because there are no holes between my fingers when squeezed together (aka-money won’t slip through my fingers).  Just like my hips, my hands don’t lie.

2. A Joke Will Always Make An Awkward Situation…More Awkward.  As a person that thrives on awkward moments, I have embraced this life lesson to the fullest. One ticket to Awkward City, USA, please.  Thank you Ms. Chanandler Bong.

3. Homie Hoppin’ Ain’t Right.  Rachel, Ross, or Joey.  It’s hard to keep track of who Rachel is dating.  One thing is for sure, it’s confusing and I don’t like it.  Let’s keep it real ladies – once you hit it and quit it with one guy, don’t go back to his friend group for a swim.

4. Sushi Rolls Are For More Than Just Eating.  It can be and will be used to convince people you are, in fact, a karate master.  Unagi is no longer eel, but rather a knowledge of your surroundings.  Since I’m allergic to fish, Kappa and California rolls will have to do.  Throw in some chicken teriyaki while you’re at it.

5. Express Your Feelings. (Sometimes.) I’m all for being overtly honest and blunt about it, but err between two boundaries: the leftmost, being the pettiness behind the Gellar Cup, and the right being of anything on the lines of calling your significant other a nickname, a la “Bing-A-Ling.”  No one needs to know you despise their idiosyncratic ways and nobody wants to know what you call main squeeze behind bedroom doors.  Everything in between is fair game.

6. You Don’t Have To Like Everyone.  You just have to be able to tolerate them.  Just like Joey’s strong dislike for Janice and her nasally voice, after a “day of fun,” he realized he could stand her.  If we had a deep connection with everyone we met, who would we converse with about the weather?  The weather needs to be discussed, people.

7. Fake It Until You Make It.  Just like Monica’s fake flame-retardant boobs, you can’t have it all.  Sometimes you have to serve coffee or dance on a counter of a diner because it’s remotely related to the field you’re interested in.  If there was a job for every actor or model in LA, there would be a drastic decline in employees in the restaurant business.  Even Brad Pitt worked as a waiter before he made it big.

8. Anything Casual Never Works.  There is no such thing as an innocent burger.  Countless hours of passive-agressive texting and waiting for phone call rituals could have been saved if we just learned from Ross and Rachel’s confusion of the definition of a “break.” You have to pick one: friends or lovers, but never an in-between.  Circle it, check a box, do what you gotta do, but get yer done.          

9. Food Can Be Eaten Off Any Surface.  The traditional route being a plate, bowl, or spork, and the road less traveled being the ground or the garbage.  But thanks to Mr. Tribbiani, we know to never, ever wear our food.  Although it may be convenient to always have a little snack on you, literally, your friends will definitely not understand and you will forever be stuck at the kids table.

10. “Do You Boo Boo Cuz Imma Do Me.” I have to give Kevin Hart some credit here for coming up with this lesson’s brilliant line.  Hang your freak flag high, people!  If you want to do a crazy Chandler and Joey dance in front of your jaw-hanging friends, do it! And while you’re sticking to your selfie guns, don’t do anything that’s not your vibe. Ross should have never tried to look like he was from the  Jersey Shore by way of getting a spray tan had he been at all unsatisfied with how he looked in the first place, let alone need the reassurance of his friends that he looked like a guido.

Friends may come and go, but for a whopping $180, Friends will be there forever.

Spotted.Chic Got A Makeover!

How snazzy is this new theme? I really dig it, but I’d like your feedback if you’ve got any.

I’ve had a pretty lazy sunday: full of lounging around and not really doing anything.  Since it’s the summer, I’ve been pretty relaxed with my blogging.  I never really have a strict schedule for when I am going to post something, but I am going to try to post something every other day.  So stay tuned!

I’ll leave you with this gem to commemorate my lazy sunday:

Look at Chris Parnell getting his “blue steel” on.  Also, am I the only one devastated that Andy Samberg is not returning to SNL?

Have a great week everyone and Stay Chic!