The Future Mrs. Jaun Pablo

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This season of The Bachelor can be summed up into a few phrases: “I just want to make [insert name] feel comfortable,” Ay yi yi,” “I’m really falling from Juan Pablo,” and “This whole process is so inorganic.” I can’t even count the number of times Juan Pablo has said the words comfortable and beautiful – it’s nauseating.

I got sucked into watching The Bachelor this season by Juan Pablo’s charming smile and as I have dutifully watched each 90 minute episode for seven weeks, I can’t help but feel a little betrayed and unsatisfied with the show.  Don’t get me wrong, there is plenty of drama, but Juan Pablo lost his charm faster than Clare could pull her “baby bump” from under her dress.

I continue to watch this show for two reasons.  One, I have invested so much time and effort watching it that it would be such a shame if I didn’t get to find out who his true love is.   Two, the girls are hilarious.  Their passive aggressive attitudes and pursed lips get me every time.

My favorite catfights (the only catfights) are the ones between Nikki and Clare.  It has gotten to the point where they can’t be in the same room together without shooting each other a stink eye.  Their fights resemble those that I have witnessed in middle school with the “I’m so much better than her” finger wave and the “You don’t deserve him” hand in the face.   Thankfully, group dates are over and they no longer have to share their man.

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Clare is a little bit of a nutcase.  First of all, she showed up with a fake baby bump to show Juan Pablo what she would look like if she were pregnant. You haven’t even met the guy and you already want to procreate?  That to a normal person, is a red flag.  Lucky for her, Juan Pablo doesn’t pick up on certain important social cues.  Throughout the season, she has proven to be needy for some alone time with Juan Pablo.  At first it was the need to be next to him and holding his hand at all times.  It then climaxed to the  4 a.m. ocean swim in Vietnam.  This was so overdramatized, but it did cause lot of uncertainty and emotions – I was on the edge of my seat.  She then went on to accepting a half-assed apology in New Zealand and was all happy and secure again.  I honestly didn’t think she was going to make it to the final four.

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Nikki is a little manipulative and conniving.  I would say she’s the closest thing to the “villain,” but she’s a pediatric nurse!  She literally makes little kids feel better!  I like that she doesn’t take shit from other girls and she does what she wants.  She doesn’t care about the other girls – she has her eyes on the prize.  She was the first girl to meet Juan Pablo’s daughter and parents and this to me seemed a little hypocritical on Juan Pablo’s end.  He doesn’t want to expose his daughter that much to the women on the show, yet he is willing to introduce her to a women that is not the winner –that seems a little sketchy and premature.  I can smell the regret already.

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Renee seems to be the den mother of all the girls.  Whenever a girl is crying, she is there to the rescue with a shoulder and some tissues.  I think she is the most genuine and down to earth.  She doesn’t really do anything for me though.  I think she’s nice, but that’s about it.  She’s just kind of blah.

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Andi is personally my favorite out of the four girls left because she doesn’t have a problem expressing her feelings and her doubts about the show.  She was the last one to get a one-on-one date so when she had to see every other girl get a personal date, she questioned if she should even be there because if she wasn’t there to get to know Juan Pablo, then why was she there?  She’s obviously still blinded by his charm and Venezuelan accent, but at least she seems genuine and not afraid to ask the hard questions in life.  I mean, should you really be comfortable dating a guy that has made out with other girls while he’s on a date with you?  It’s a hard life.

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Sharleen was my biggest surprise.  I was surprised she was on the show and even more surprised that she stayed for so long.  She just seemed too smart and throughout the season, she had a lot of doubts about the resident bachelor.  All they did was make-out, which was quite uncomfortable to watch – I cringed every time.  It was also hilarious that she would call him “sir” whenever she was nervous or uncomfortable.  It was clear that she was not the one, but hey, a free trip to exotic places doesn’t sound too bad.  Of course when they got back to the United States, she was like “Peace, I’m out!”

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Finally, my personal favorite from the entire season was Kelly.  I still think Juan Pablo made a huge mistake eliminating her because I could have watched her throw out zingers on a show of her own.  When Clare refused to eat octopus, Kelly countered with, “Please, I know you’ve swallowed bigger things than that.”  She also didn’t have a problem announcing how uncomfortable she was sitting between Clare and Nikki in South Korea.  She was just so blunt and it was great.

Sharleen was the only contestant smart enough to see through Juan Pablo’s charming façade and realize that he has no personality and adds nothing to a relationship other than his daughter.  Whoever ends up with him might have a hard time communicating with him, but hey, he has a charming smile and some rocking soccer skills.  That’s enough to last a lifetime, right?

What do you think of Juan Pablo and the remaining four girls?

Stay Chic!

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